In Tallinn, when departing - I saw from aircraft's window the luggage claim area and was wondering, when I will be standing there again - waiting for my luggage? What will I feel? And what will happen in all the time, I'm away..?

Thanks for coming! :)
I miss you all - already..

Preparations for independent life (i.e. traveling alone in Asia)
Does-it-look-real?-Does-it-look-real? ;)
I believe most of all I'm afraid of Indian men and their wish to marry me! :)) So - main effort I'm making to prepare myself - is practicing "I'm-married"-look and formulating different reasons why I can't marry (or even start communicating with) next Indian man proposing.
Here's my TOP 10:

• I'm married (obviously!! ;)
• I'm recently widowed (grr.. hopefully they don't want to start comforting me)
• I'm lesbian (this should work quite efficiently ;)
• I'm HIV positive (this too, shouldn't it?! ;)
• My religion does not permit to communicate with people (men) from any other religion
• I'm too smart and educated (mm.. I might get killed for it ;)
• How much money do You have? Oh sorry, You are too poor for me! I'm looking for a billionaire! (mm.. for this as well ;)
• etc. (I'm sure, there will appear more..)

Update:

• I pretend, that I'm deaf (well, when having my ear-plugs on and setting the volume to maximum level, I actually DON'T hear anything else but my music ;)

Triinu says:
oeh - mul on dilemma
Triinu says:
kas võtta kaks paari päikeseprille või üks
Triinu says:
damn - life is so difficult :))

Having one of these endless meaning-of-life-discussions with L during lunch another day, brought us to a quite interesting conclusion: there shouldn't (and can't) be only the-one-and-only "right" philosophy of life. As we were sitting two of us there, at least two different approaches got formulated:
* One for achievers - where life is guided by the goals set and plans made. Achievers want (obviously) to achieve something - today, tomorrow, next week, next year.. And eventually they want to end up achieving something remarkable; something that really matters. They write down the mission, goals and action plan - and live according to it. And the higher the peaks, the bigger efforts should be given. Simple.
* Another for with-the-flow-goers - where the trip is more important than reaching the destination. Having particular plan rather disturbs seeing the current moment clearly and enjoying it. And everything is in constant change anyway - and so should also be the plans. So - why to work hard on something, which will change tomorrow anyway? The most important is to enjoy the current moment without regrets about past and worries about the future. (Simple as well.)

My theme-song for .. going to .. everywhere
(inspired by P)

Thinking about yesterday's conversation about flying - and about how high I want to fly - brought me to the idea, that actually I have been flying so far as well.. Maybe it's too ambitious announcement, but I'd rather think so.
Nevertheless - I have been flying in very calm and favorable conditions. Like in the sweet sunshine over the Austrian alps with the balloon. Having enough fuel, food and all other necessary goods. And kind of anti-cloud-spray, for removing any spot in the sky, which could have intention to cover my forever-shining sun. And being escorted by the backup-helicopter. How convenient is that!? But is it also challenging and interesting? No. It gets boring sooner or later. At least for me. And now the time has come.
So - it's time to reach higher levels! Maybe trying out the cloudy weather? Maybe trying to survive without 100% backup? Maybe trying to create, instead of copy? Seems to be easy. Let's see, how tough I am in reality..
But the most important idea I got yesterday was, that if it should ever get completely cold and dark around me, and I would feel hungry, lonely and totally lost - it might indicate, that I'm on the way to the stars. And at this particular moment I should remind myself, that this is what I've been wishing..

Meanwhile I got really weird panic attacks - will I manage? am I doing the right decision? what will happen afterwards? what if I don't reach my goals? etc..
Grr.. I kept repeating myself, that everything is ok - and actually I have two return-tickets in my pocket and everything is under control, if I really want to come back. But of course - I can not imagine forgiving myself ever, when I would give up so easily..
Fortunately I realized, that most of the panic is caused by the fact, that I don't have a proper plan! So - my goal should be to make one, instead of drawing the ghosts on the wall! :)
And yesterday - reading happy and exciting travel-blogs - I regenerated my self-confidence and got some ideas, which countries I want to visit and which I should avoid.
Life is flower! (still. again.)
And the most important is to believe, that everything is going to be perfect! :)

Most of the people, to whom I tell the news, have an attitude like: yeah .. well .. what else to expect from you anyway ..
Everyone seem to be aware, that my second name is Restless Vagabond :)
-----
A: huvitavalt elad..huvitavad asjad toimuvad sinu hinges..
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E: sina oled ikka üks huvitav laps! :)
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I: tähtis on, et sa kindlalt kohe patareidega käpikud ostad
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P: Hope You find what You are looking for
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Even my grandmother (to whom I was the most afraid to announce that I'm leaving, because she always worries about everything so much) said, that it's very interesting plan. And she never worries about me, because she has been seeing, how I survive - always..

*** Ma väga tahaks, et sa ikke meil edasi töötaks. Aga no kui sa just kuidagi teisiti ei saa siis ok.. käi vahepeal paar nädalat puhkusel :) Meil ei ole pakkuda miskit uut ega võimast peale meie enda.. aga see eest oleme me kõik koos ju supertoredad :) Seega meie jõulusoov oleks: DON'T GO!
*** Jah - seltskond on üks põhjuseid, miks mul on megakahju ära minna :( Mina armastan teid kaaa - PÄRISELT!! Aga ma tahan LENNATA! Vähemalt proovida lendamist. Ma tahan ise teha, ise otsustada, ise vastutada - ja vaadata mis välja tuleb. Ja ma tahan maailma näha! Ja see unistus on mul olnud juba nii kaua, et ma lihtsalt ei saa seda kõrvale heita nüüd, kui see on täitumas! Onju?! :)
(sms-ing with A)

At the moment it's rather hard to believe, that I will miss the winter and snow and cold one day. But maybe still..?
For this sensational occasion I have uploaded photo below :)

Du bist ja jetzt - genau wie ich - in einer gewissen Endzeitstimmung. Und das beinhaltet sehr gegensätzliche Gefühle.
Freude, weil man sich von viel Mist befreien kann. Aber auch Trauer und Angst vor dem Unbekanntem.
Ich hoffe, dass die Freude überwiegt.
Du weißt es ja, überall auf der Welt gibt es Trauer, Schmerzen und das Böse.
Aber auch überall gibt es Liebe, Hilfsbereitschaft und Menschlichkeit.
Und um das zu erfahren und nicht nur zu wissen, solltest du dieses Abenteuer antreten.
(letter from G)

[--]
T says:
:'( oma meeskonda on mul kõige rohkem kahju maha jätta
G says:
siis peab küll päris hea pakkumine olema *-)
T says:
ongi
T says:
ma lähen aastaks Aasiasse reisima
T says:
I WILL LIVE MY DREAM
T says:
Sa ei kujuta ette mis tunne see on, kui PÄRISELT unistused täituvad
T says:
mul on IGA PÄEV liblikad kõhus ja ma ei saa enam korralikult magada, sest ma olen nii õnnelik
[--]
G says:
Sellised unistused siis .. kõvasti parem kui "wannabe rikkaim inimene maailmas" :)
T says:
ma olen juba nii rikas, et enam rikkamaks ei saagi :)
T says:
mul on unistus ja see läheb täide
T says:
come on
T says:
ma ei oska mitte midagi muud tahta..
[--]
(from chat with G)

Of course people want to have backup. Also I would like to have backup at the end of the day. But I have to choose - whether to have backup or whether to break out from the routine and do something! My current life is so meaningless and boring, that I just have to change it! I don't have anyone, because of whom I should (or would want to) stay in Estonia (except my sister, but we will keep in touch anyway). I kind of love my profession, but I don't like the company I work for - it's too small, and I don't like the bosses (i.e. the way, they are managing the company and people). I only like my programmers, I work with. I have really good team - and that's why I have been working there so long at all. But I can't continue like this, only because of my sister and some programmers! :) It's my LIFE, we are talking about. It's not just one day, one week or one month - it's LIFE. And it doesn't last forever. So - CARPE DIEM!!!
And - I want to change the world! Despite of my age, I haven't lost the dream, that I can give something from me - and with my contribution I will change people's lives and the whole world with it. I want it! And if somebody wants something strongly enough - he/she will most certainly attain it. I believe in it. And even if I won't accomplish my goals - I will at least have the knowledge, that I have tried. I think, it's better than only dreaming and doing nothing.
And if I know, that there is someone on standby with the helicopter - I'm not afraid of anything and have the courage to go everywhere - knowing, that I have an angel watching over me! :)
(from letter to C)

The closer the time of my leaving gets, the more I realize things around me, that I will miss the most:

• My sister (and having her around and chatting with her every time I wish)
• My car (and driving with it, and listening/singing my favorite music)
• My office clothes (and experimenting with different styles)
• My every-Wednesday squash
• My programmers (and our stupid inside jokes we make and our wild parties we have ;)